Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
A bitchslap is in order.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
