Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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