I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
