and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
