Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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