There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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