Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
