Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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