I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
