Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
