my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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