Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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