goodnight i made you a song goodbye
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
