My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
