Having a random hookup so left but love u
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
