Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
