I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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