So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you win again, gameday.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I'm really busy with my period
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