I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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