so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Randomize
