literally had 100 drinks last night.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
