Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
