Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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