After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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