i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
