i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
