eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
