Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
