is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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