6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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