I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
