They should really pass out barf bags in church
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Randomize
