We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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