just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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