We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
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