that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
