The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
