I cannot find my penis.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
