Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just want nice things and good sex
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
