I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
