pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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