I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
