There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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