She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
