remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
