FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
