also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
