Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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