there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
