my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
