Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
