I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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