So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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