do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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